Every Time A Bell Rings

"Every time a bell rings an Angel gets its wings" is one of the most famous quotes in Christmas cinema, right along with "Humbug," and "God bless us, everyone," but for the purposes of this entry it is also the first major line I ever spoke on stage, when I was 7 years old and cast as Zuzu in a production of It's A Wonderful Life. Since that defining moment in my existence I've been Birthday and Christmas gifted more bells than I can count, but that is not important. What is, or what feels important right now, is that I have heard bells ringing all over York since I arrived here, but British bells are different from bells at home-they sound magical in their own way, but it's different somehow. They're heavier, less vibrant maybe, and I wonder lately if a song like Josh Groban's Bells of New York City can mean as much to someone here as it does to me. I never really posted about my trip to see Josh perform in London a few weeks back, but I should have, so I'm going to give some brief highlights here. I'm not sure what came over me but in the middle of the concert, as he was introducing this song (probably my favorite track on his new Illuminations album) I shouted out to him "Josh! My friends are playing this with you next weekend-Westminster Bell Choir!" referring to the Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Center in which the bell choir of my alma mater were featured on stage with him. We had a cute little interaction and then he sang, and I swooned. As if this didn't leave me giddy enough I was then rewarded for waiting a long while in wintry London air by getting his autograph as he was leaving the church/theater, at which point he called me "hun." Since that night I've admittedly felt an overwhelming desire to be back in New York, back where everything is bright and alive, where bells ring the way my soul feels. The Christmas magic in York is achingly beautiful, but until I have my Macy's windows, a visit to Rockefeller Center, and a trip to the angel tree at the Metropolitan Museum of Art I know I can not/will not feel wholly fulfilled. Bells of New York City has become my Christmas anthem of 2010, and every time I listen it makes me more excited to get home, and also slightly afraid of how hard it's going to be to come back, as much as I love it here, as evidenced by my previous post(s), like Ten Things I Love About Yo[u]rk

For the first time in my life I don't have a five-year plan; it's become clear rather suddenly and painfully that the 5-year/forever plan I've spent a very long time wanting will never become a reality. So, I'm claiming the rest of this Christmas season as mine, and I'm taking the time to reclaim my heart, to reclaim my self, and to quiet myself enough to listen and hear whatever it is God is trying to tell me. It's time to hear His voice instead of my own. And, along the way, when I get to hear the real bells of New York City, I will be ok, and I won't let them make me sad, and who knows? Maybe I'll even get my wings.

Click to watch: Westminster Choir College Bell Choir with Josh Groban at Rockefeller Center

There's a pale winter moon in the sky coming through my window
And the park is laid out like a bed below
It's a cold, dark night and my heart melts like the snow
And the bells of New York City tell me not to go

It's always this time of year that my thoughts undo me
With the ghosts of many lifetimes all abound
But from these mad heights I can always hear the sound
Of the bells of New York City singing all around

Stay with me, stay with me
A refuge from these broken dreams

Wait right here, awake with me
On silent, snow-filled streets

Sing to me one song for joy, and one for redemption
And whatever's in between that I call mine
With the street lamp light to illuminate the grey
And the bells of New York City calling me to stay
The bells of New York City calling me to stay