For those friends and dear ones who were unable to be in York for my first recital and asked to hear it - I've compiled my programme notes and live recordings into some Youtube videos to somewhat recreate the afternoon. I hope you enjoy! I've copied the links below (underlined in purple). A Young Performer's Disclaimer: It's far from perfect, but I think it's a pretty good starting place. Two more recitals to go in the next 7 months! The whole programme lasts about 28 minutes so if you have a half hour and want to have the whole experience of the recital then they're intended to be listened to in this order (Suggestion - right click the link and choose 'open in new tab'. Then you won't have to keep going back and forth) :
Extra note: A sixth cantiga does exist in poetic form, but unfortunately, its original music does not survive in manuscript. Performing options include composing a setting in the Medieval style of the other cantigas. I have chosen to exclude the sixth Cantiga from the canon of this cycle in my performance, but will print its translation here in order to acknowledge its potential for inclusion:
In Vigo and on holy ground
A body fair danced round and round,
All in love am I.
In Vigo, in this holy place,
Danced so slim and full of grace,
All in love am I.
Danced a fair body round and round
That never had a lover found,
All in love am I.
Danced so slim and full of grace
That ne'er had looked upon love's face,
All in love am I.
That never had a lover found
And danced there on holy ground,
All in love am I.
That ne'er had looked upon love's face
And danced in this holy place
All in love am I.
I tend to imagine, perhaps idealistically or romantically, that this lone cantiga is not in the voice of the maiden, but is actually from the perspective of her lover out at sea. It is not definitely so, but I struggle to place this poem amongst the others if it is actually from the feminine point of view. It was not uncommon for troubadour songs to shift perspective, from man to woman, from mother to daughter, etc... In this case I would argue that he is, perhaps, daydreaming about her from his ship, battling the guilt and irony that she is off on Vigo’s shore, dancing, waiting for him, while she never gets to look upon his face, and yet he remains entirely in love with her.
In attempting to recreate, my task also becomes to perpetuate the development of this music, asserting my own environmental constraints, freedoms, and parameters on the performance. In this way the performance ideally surpasses imitation and becomes authentic, rather than emulative singing, and I, as a performer in the twenty-first century, am able, in turn, to take my place amongst the Medieval women who came long before me, soaking up the lavish fruits of joining them at their vibrant sound table. I hope you enjoy the journey.
Hope you like it! Thanks for joining me at my Sound Table : )
And while I sometimes wish it was love I could weave
in silver streams of smoke and flickering light,
it turns out, when I spell it in the sky,
that what I know is music.
And if I know love at all
it is only because you give me reason to sing.
I know I posted this not long ago, but it's on my mind. I was handed an extraordinary piece of challenging contemporary music today, asked to learn it to perform in a big concert one week from tomorrow. Inside I was somewhat excitedly queasy, but I just smiled on the outside and said "of course I'll learn it...and have it performance ready in 6 days!" As I walked away I thought, this is the kind of challenge you live for, Nia. I love singing new music, especially pieces like this that linger up in the stratosphere. My director said, 'I need this to be powerful...Can you do it?' I just smiled, and he answered for me, 'I know you can.' This newborn poem of mine is exactly what I'm feeling right now, in this moment, and today it became far more relevant than when I wrote it just a week or so ago. I thought it deserved a post, again.
I was tearfully confiding in one of my wisest friends once, and I can remember saying to her in a moment of weakness, "I just hate that I love him so much" and she answered, so simply but so significantly, "Do you think you could find a way to love it?" While it didn't change everything in that moment, it really did change everything afterward, her words lingering in my ears for months, haunting me beautifully for ever after. So here we are, and it's Valentines Day, and I'm single. This could be bad, but it's not going to be. Instead, I'm going to find a way to love it. In fact, I happen to love Valentines Day, and I'm determined to have one of the love-liest Valentines Days ever, even if I don't have a Valentine, exactly. How do I propose to do this? Well, first grade was one of my favorite years of my whole life (I'm turning 23 in 3 days). I fell in love when I was in first grade...not with a boy, but with writing. I had the most wonderful teacher in the world, who let me be by myself sometimes during 'free time', and would set a book on the table in front of me, full of construction paper pictures of knights, rainbows, princesses, clouds, mountains, etc...and tell me to write whatever came to mind. That's how my love affair with writing began, and it's never really stopped since. Anyway, one of the other things I remember distinctly about Ms. Mathes's vibrant classroom was the making and distribution of Valentines for our friends. Long before there were boyfriends or girlfriends, or husbands or wives, or babies, there were just friends. And there was so much love, even then. I'm not seven years old, but I am going to celebrate today with the same kind of love I did back then. Because, while I'm not in love with anyone who is in love with me in return, I love so many people in my life! And, when I think about it, it's such a gift to have that...So, today is, in part, going to be a gigantic love fest, and if you're reading this then you are quite likely among those that I am so grateful to call the loves of my life. Happy Valentines Day, dear ones!
The rest of my Valentines Day love fest relates to something a bit different, and yet entirely related - the relationship I'm finding myself strengthening every day with the God I lost sight of for a very long time...This week we had a breakthrough, He and I, and I felt the most direct communication I've ever experienced. It's a long story that I might tell later on in another post, but for now suffice it to say that it was profound, and thrilling, and it left me somewhat breathless and assured that I am on the right path. My problem is that I don't think I feel ready to feel loved by God yet. (Ya, that's sort of like a LOTR/ Bilbo "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve" moment, but this blog is titled "Not All Who Wander Are Lost" so I have to be allowed to dorkily reference its namesake/ Tolkien every now and then). I don't feel worthy of God, but I'm healing, and I think every day I'm able to find myself inching closer to the kind of relationship I am meant to have. I'm beginning to realize that it's happening as I am becoming a better woman, while I'm becoming the kind of person that could healthily support not only her admittedly high-maintenance, unquenchably adventurous self, but someone else as well. For now, I get to test my theory with the friends around me, and it's wonderful. I won the award for 'class caregiver' when I was a three-year old in nursery school, and I hope it was telling. I love taking care of people, I love making people feel better, I love wasting entire days with them, baking them cookies, and talking for hours while we sip tea. More than that I hate seeing people hurting. But after experiencing severe trauma and hurt myself I think I needed to take time to make myself better, and I needed to let God back into my life; really I needed to find the courage to ask Him to let me back in to His. What I'm discovering through this process has been surprising to me, but it's that I can actually feel Him forgiving me too, letting me back in, little by little. Almost like we're both looking to the other cautiously, carefully. This time is different, knowing how fragile our relationship is after I accidentally, somewhat unknowingly let it break and lie in shards for a while, waiting to be pieced back together. What a breathtaking reality it is, though, that those shards can be reforged and made stronger than before, and what better day to smile about and celebrate this strengthening relationship than Valentines Day?
In [sort of] conclusion, today is about loving love.
Now, on an altogether different note, while I was unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep I made a list of some of my favorite love scenes in movies ever, and I have good taste in these things so you should probably do everything you can to seek out each one and indulge in their loveliness. In no particular order, here they are : )
The Village- Ok, yes, this is a scary movie, and would probably not top off most people's lists of romantic films, but it also has what I think are two of the most utterly romantic love scenes of all time. The porch scene just can not be beaten. I don't know if it's because I relate so much to the Ivy character, but I swear I will not rest until a Joaquin Phoenix decides to love me like this. Whatever you do, at least treat yourself to watching the last couple of minutes of the second video-the "I will dance with you on our wedding day" scene:
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring- The 'Aniron' scene...Aniron means 'desire' in Elvish. Enya's song in the background, plus Peter Jackson's Rivendell, plus Liv Tyler, plus Viggo Mortensen, plus a painful, exquisite [exquisitely painful] love story...it goes without saying, but this is indisputably amongst the most beautiful love scenes of ever. Watch Here: Rivendell Scene
Love, Actually- I sat talking about this film with all of the girls that live in my flat, and we basically concluded that this movie is overflowing with wonderful lovey dovey moments, but I have one favorite quote and one favorite scene. Quote: Colin Firth gets it with "I love you, even when you're sick and look disgusting." Scene: The card/secret admirer confession scene. Nothing compares:
There are a few great love scenes in this movie. One of my favorites is a friendship/heartbreak scene in which I fell in love with the actress Sandra Oh, when she shows up pregnant and broken hearted on Diane Lane (Francis)'s doorstep in Tuscany. The scene is exquisitely acted. Eventually when she has her baby there is a gorgeous moment when she's dancing outside with her baby girl, and that image is also pretty perfect and amazing. But what takes the cake (no pun intended) for me is the wedding scene at the end. Spoiler alert: It's not Francis's wedding, as we might've hoped all the way through the film, but Christophe Beck's score feat. a boy soprano singing the track 'Gaudeamus', along with the cinematography, Latin (Italian?) wedding vows, and Diane Lane's happy tears make this pretty much my dream wedding. Sorry, I couldn't find a clip. Oh well, now you'll HAVE to go get this movie and watch it!
Edward Scissorhands- Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. I'm sure his wife is amazing and everything, but in a perfect world they would have stayed together forever. Because they are magic on screen. And so are the scenes that are mashed up here...namely the hug scene and the snow dance scene. Ahhhhh, tragedyyyyyyy! Hurts soooo good.
Never Been Kissed- The first kiss in Never Been Kissed is good, but this honestly makes the cut simply because Sam (Michael Vartan) looks so unbelievably hot when he runs to her, and no girl in their right mind could see this and not hope that a man would run to her like that one day lol. The other wonderful moment of this movie is Guy dancing with the dorky best friend. So sweet.
When Harry Met Sally- the Katz's deli orgasm scene is hilarious, and rightfully the most famous part of this film about two best friends, but the New Years party love confession is, quite simply, perfectly worth the wait of the whole movie.
Pride and Prejudice (2005)- My allegiance used to lie with the Colin Firth version, but this reduced and yet wonderfully complete version of this amazing book is so well done, and caters to the hopeless romantic in me. And this final love scene is just...sooooo good! Oh, Darcy! Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy...
Slumdog Millionaire- brutal to watch, incredible to watch, impossible not to watch. Such an intense film, and such a gorgeous love story about resilience. There isn't just one great love scene. Instead every scene with Jamal and Latika becomes powerful. It's such an amazing puzzle, and all of the pieces of Jamal and Latika's story fit together in the end to make the final 'Jai Ho' Bollywood finale unbelievably powerful.
The Notebook- Long lost loves, a boat, rain, a dock...yep.
The Wedding Singer- Growing old with someone...and Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore with the win.
Titanic- when Rose runs back to Jack after they're separated. Leo's squeaky voice works so well here...
Jack: "Rose! You're so stupid.
Why did you do that, huh? You're so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why? Rose: You jump, I jump, right? Jack: Right. Rose: Oh God! I couldn't go. I couldn't go, Jack. Jack: It's all right. We'll think of something. Rose: At least I'm with you. Jack: We'll think of something. "
Finding Neverland- maybe I just love Kate Winslet and find her to embody romance, but this movie is so beautiful, without us ever seeing her and Johnny Depp's J.M.Barrie character actually consummate their love. The death/Neverland scene is so romantic, though, in its own way, because he's made it possible for her imaginative release.
Big Fish- One of my favorite movies of all time. Top love scenes: the bathtub scene, coming home from the army, seeing Sandra for the first time, the yellow daffodil scene, and Spektor with Jenny
My Best Friend's Wedding- Probably not what you'd think it is. I happen to hate the ending of this movie, though I love the movie as a whole. I would've much preferred the "best friend ends up with best friend" scenario, and I think this scene justifies my sensitivity:
Ever After- When Danielle shows up at the ball and we see her in her da Vinci wings, dead mother's gown, and glass slippers, there's just no way to resist falling in love with her right along with Prince Henry. This moment is amazing, but the scene that really gets my praise is much earlier in the movie, when she brings home her servant, Maurice, and his wife and their best friend (another servant) go running to him and Danielle as they come walking up through a field. I have tested myself for years...I get chills every time I watch this scene. I'm yet to watch it without getting them all up and down my arms, without getting choked up in an incredible way. Couldn't find a link but you really should seek this one out sometime, for this scene alone, and to giggle at Drew's bad British accent in the context of a supposedly French setting. Still, such an intelligent chick flick/un-fairy tale when it comes down to it.
10 Things I Hate About You- oh, Heath. Oh, Poetry. Oh, Love!
500 Days of Summer- the Ikea scene. holy crap. I want to fall in love and do this someday. Or maybe just do this with an amazing friend. Either way, it's on my bucket list. The clip doesn't show it well - just captures the end - but it gives the idea.
The Wedding Planner- the dance scene in the park. it's great. and cute. and dreamy.
Hook- when Tink makes her wish to be big so she can be with Peter for a few moments in time. And then, at the end, Tink's goodbye "you know that place between sleep and awake? That's where you'll always find me, Peter Pan, that's where I'll be waiting" sigh... love her.
Avatar- the whole thing. every bit of it.
Forrest Gump- Forrest and Jenny, an incomparable love story.
Little Women- unrequited love...the Laurie/Jo story...personally, as with my best friend's wedding, I am of the Jo and Laurie should be together camp, but, alas, Louisa May Alcott disagrees with me. So, the Mr. Bhaer camp gets their wonderfully romantic ending:
Waitress- best love quotes from a (dark) comedy ever? Possibly. Plus, Nathan Fillion is just a dreamboat/the perfect man, playing an only slightly imperfect man:
"Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight.They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness to it."
Princess Bride-"As you wish..." 'nuff said. Carry Elwes made the name 'Wesley' sexy forever.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- Kate Winslet once again, and Jim Carrey. What a team. Meet me in Montauk. *sigh...A story about losing your way and then trying to find each other again. Also notable, the inclusion of the first role I ever enjoyed Kirsten Dunst in, alongside a wonderfully slimy performance by my beloved Elijah Wood.
Beauty and the Beast- I mean, you have to admit, the Beast is pretty handsome in man form...those eyes! and the way he says her name!
Others on my worth mentioning list: Shine, Penelope, Sleepless in Seattle, Bed of Roses, Monsoon Wedding
These were some of the words of wisdom Ian Partridge spoke today during his master class with University of York students at the National Centre for Early Music 'English Song Day.' They're such singer's words, and when he said them I sort of laughed to myself because they suggest such a simple task, and yet most of my life thus far has been spent trying to do just that - to create something beautiful, to be beautiful, to have a beautiful spirit in a world that is ugly in far too many ways. Maybe that's why I enjoyed coaching with him so much. That, and the fact that I was entirely humbled to be standing next to and sometimes singing with one of the finest tenors that has ever lived, with probably the most honey-smoothe, warm voice I've ever heard, even now when he is in self-enforced retirement from performing. The first question Ian asked me today after I sang Samuel Barber's 'Crucifixion' was, "what is the one thing that makes Barber's writing so special?" I immediately started racking my brain, trying to recall every impressive bit of Barber trivia I have up my sleeve, but I had nothing to answer this question simply. "I don't know..." I finally said, because, in truth, I was coming up with too many reasons in my head. But, as already explained, Ian talks singer speech. Everything was sort of simplified and direct, without much frill - very un-British actually, at least when he wasn't telling incredible life stories. So he answered his own question, without hesitation, as if he'd hoped I wouldn't be able to answer, "it's that he was a singer himself. He understood the voice and knew how to write for it," and I finished his sentence, "and how to create a relationship between the voice and piano." That's when we started making music together. I felt warm, eager, ready to try anything he threw at me. The warmth was a good sign, because when I get nervous I always go cold. He told me later that he thought I seemed nervous, but if I came off that way I didn't mean to, and I definitely didn't feel it at all; I was just giddy with excitement and awe, to be sharing that moment in time with someone I've admired for so much of my life. I can't describe what it's like getting to stand next to someone truly great. I am probably the luckiest girl in the world because I've been able to experience this many times now, and even in my daily life when I look at the professors around me, or the people/performing gods I get to keep in contact with on facebook and call 'friends' even though they will always be my heroes. It's such an unremarkable word - great - but it means so much, and he was it in that way that the people who change lives are, the way the best artists are, the way I want to be one day. Weak? Too honest? Maybe. But it's my truth, and it struck me today how happily swept up in this world I am. I may never be one of the 'greats', but I don't think I can stop at least trying now, and I don't think I can turn my back on the blessings that keep coming my way. I was so ready to find something new in this simply profound masterpiece of Barber's that I've come to love, and to love to sing since I first learned it almost five years ago, and I think we did manage to unlock some unexplored magic today.
Ok, so why my Wizard of Oz reference in the title of this post? The last thing Ian Partridge said to me during my coaching was "I want you to have courage. Take risks. The beauty in performing is that there is no need to sing something exactly the same way twice. We get to try things out, tell stories, do things differently every time...Now you just need to find the courage to do it." I was completely overcome, and it hit me: there's no more room to be a cowardly lioness. I made the biggest decision of my life moving over here, leaving everything/one behind. I knew that it was worth it today. And I felt in that moment like I was being given permission for the first time ever to completely let go, submit, and love the music I love, and use myvoice - not some closed-minded voice faculty's projection of what my voice should be. In a sense Ian was giving me permission to be a singer, so that from now on I can try to just "make it beautiful". There are plenty of days when I want to click my heals three times and be back in the comfort of home, but Toto, we're not in America any more.
