As You Wish... 'nuff said

I was tearfully confiding in one of my wisest friends once, and I can remember saying to her in a moment of weakness, "I just hate that I love him so much" and she answered, so simply but so significantly, "Do you think you could find a way to love it?" While it didn't change everything in that moment, it really did change everything afterward, her words lingering in my ears for months, haunting me beautifully for ever after. So here we are, and it's Valentines Day, and I'm single. This could be bad, but it's not going to be. Instead, I'm going to find a way to love it. In fact, I happen to love Valentines Day, and I'm determined to have one of the love-liest Valentines Days ever, even if I don't have a Valentine, exactly. How do I propose to do this? Well, first grade was one of my favorite years of my whole life (I'm turning 23 in 3 days). I fell in love when I was in first grade...not with a boy, but with writing. I had the most wonderful teacher in the world, who let me be by myself sometimes during 'free time', and would set a book on the table in front of me, full of construction paper pictures of knights, rainbows, princesses, clouds, mountains, etc...and tell me to write whatever came to mind. That's how my love affair with writing began, and it's never really stopped since. Anyway, one of the other things I remember distinctly about Ms. Mathes's vibrant classroom was the making and distribution of Valentines for our friends. Long before there were boyfriends or girlfriends, or husbands or wives, or babies, there were just friends. And there was so much love, even then. I'm not seven years old, but I am going to celebrate today with the same kind of love I did back then. Because, while I'm not in love with anyone who is in love with me in return, I love so many people in my life! And, when I think about it, it's such a gift to have that...So, today is, in part, going to be a gigantic love fest, and if you're reading this then you are quite likely among those that I am so grateful to call the loves of my life. Happy Valentines Day, dear ones!

The rest of my Valentines Day love fest relates to something a bit different, and yet entirely related -  the relationship I'm finding myself strengthening every day with the God I lost sight of for a very long time...This week we had a breakthrough, He and I, and I felt the most direct communication I've ever experienced. It's a long story that I might tell later on in another post, but for now suffice it to say that it was profound, and thrilling, and it left me somewhat breathless and assured that I am on the right path. My problem is that I don't think I feel ready to feel loved by God yet. (Ya, that's sort of like a LOTR/ Bilbo "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve" moment, but this blog is titled "Not All Who Wander Are Lost" so I have to be allowed to dorkily reference its namesake/ Tolkien every now and then). I don't feel worthy of God, but I'm healing, and I think every day I'm able to find myself inching closer to the kind of relationship I am meant to have. I'm beginning to realize that it's happening as I am becoming a better woman, while I'm becoming the kind of person that could healthily support not only her admittedly high-maintenance, unquenchably adventurous self, but someone else as well. For now, I get to test my theory with the friends around me, and it's wonderful. I won the award for 'class caregiver' when I was a three-year old in nursery school, and I hope it was telling. I love taking care of people, I love making people feel better, I love wasting entire days with them, baking them cookies, and talking for hours while we sip tea. More than that I hate seeing people hurting. But after experiencing severe trauma and hurt myself I think I needed to take time to make myself better, and I needed to let God back into my life; really I needed to find the courage to ask Him to let me back in to His. What I'm discovering through this process has been surprising to me, but it's that I can actually feel Him forgiving me too, letting me back in, little by little. Almost like we're both looking to the other cautiously, carefully. This time is different, knowing how fragile our relationship is after I accidentally, somewhat unknowingly let it break and lie in shards for a while, waiting to be pieced back together. What a breathtaking reality it is, though, that those shards can be reforged and made stronger than before, and what better day to smile about and celebrate this strengthening relationship than Valentines Day?

In [sort of] conclusion, today is about loving love. 

Now, on an altogether different note, while I was unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep I made a list of some of my favorite love scenes in movies ever, and I have good taste in these things so you should probably do everything you can to seek out each one and indulge in their loveliness. In no particular order, here they are : )

The Village- Ok, yes, this is a scary movie, and would probably not top off most people's lists of romantic films, but it also has what I think are two of the most utterly romantic love scenes of all time. The porch scene just can not be beaten. I don't know if it's because I relate so much to the Ivy character, but I swear I will not rest until a Joaquin Phoenix decides to love me like this. Whatever you do, at least treat yourself to watching the last couple of minutes of the second video-the "I will dance with you on our wedding day" scene: 

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring- The 'Aniron' scene...Aniron means 'desire' in Elvish. Enya's song in the background, plus Peter Jackson's Rivendell, plus Liv Tyler, plus Viggo Mortensen, plus a painful, exquisite [exquisitely painful] love story...it goes without saying, but this is indisputably amongst the most beautiful love scenes of ever. Watch Here: Rivendell Scene

Love, Actually- I sat talking about this film with all of the girls that live in my flat, and we basically concluded that this movie is overflowing with wonderful lovey dovey moments, but I have one favorite quote and one favorite scene. Quote: Colin Firth gets it with "I love you, even when you're sick and look disgusting." Scene: The card/secret admirer confession scene. Nothing compares:

Watch Here: Love Actually "To Me You Are Perfect" Scene

Under the Tuscan Sun-

There are a few great love scenes in this movie. One of my favorites is a friendship/heartbreak scene in which I fell in love with the actress Sandra Oh, when she shows up pregnant and broken hearted on Diane Lane (Francis)'s doorstep in Tuscany. The scene is exquisitely acted. Eventually when she has her baby there is a gorgeous moment when she's dancing outside with her baby girl, and that image is also pretty perfect and amazing. But what takes the cake (no pun intended) for me is the wedding scene at the end. Spoiler alert: It's not Francis's wedding, as we might've hoped all the way through the film, but Christophe Beck's score feat. a boy soprano singing the track 'Gaudeamus', along with the cinematography, Latin (Italian?) wedding vows, and Diane Lane's happy tears make this pretty much my dream wedding. Sorry, I couldn't find a clip. Oh well, now you'll HAVE to go get this movie and watch it!

Edward Scissorhands- Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. I'm sure his wife is amazing and everything, but in a perfect world they would have stayed together forever. Because they are magic on screen. And so are the scenes that are mashed up here...namely the hug scene and the snow dance scene. Ahhhhh, tragedyyyyyyy! Hurts soooo good. 

Never Been Kissed- The first kiss in Never Been Kissed is good, but this honestly makes the cut simply because Sam (Michael Vartan) looks so unbelievably hot when he runs to her, and no girl in their right mind could see this and not hope that a man would run to her like that one day lol. The other wonderful moment of this movie is Guy dancing with the dorky best friend. So sweet. 

 

When Harry Met Sally- the Katz's deli orgasm scene is hilarious, and rightfully the most famous part of this film about two best friends, but the New Years party love confession is, quite simply, perfectly worth the wait of the whole movie. 

Pride and Prejudice (2005)- My allegiance used to lie with the Colin Firth version, but this reduced and yet wonderfully complete version of this amazing book is so well done, and caters to the hopeless romantic in me. And this final love scene is just...sooooo good! Oh, Darcy! Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy...

Slumdog Millionaire- brutal to watch, incredible to watch, impossible not to watch. Such an intense film, and such a gorgeous love story about resilience. There isn't just one great love scene. Instead every scene with Jamal and Latika becomes powerful. It's such an amazing puzzle, and all of the pieces of Jamal and Latika's story fit together in the end to make the final 'Jai Ho' Bollywood finale unbelievably powerful.

The Notebook- Long lost loves, a boat, rain, a dock...yep. 

The Wedding Singer- Growing old with someone...and Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore with the win.

 

Titanic- when Rose runs back to Jack after they're separated. Leo's squeaky voice works so well here...

Jack: "Rose! You're so stupid. 

Why did you do that, huh? You're so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why?
Rose: You jump, I jump, right?
Jack: Right.
Rose: Oh God! I couldn't go. I couldn't go, Jack.
Jack: It's all right. We'll think of something.
Rose: At least I'm with you.
Jack: We'll think of something. "

Finding Neverland- maybe I just love Kate Winslet and find her to embody romance, but this movie is so beautiful, without us ever seeing her and Johnny Depp's J.M.Barrie character actually consummate their love. The death/Neverland scene is so romantic, though, in its own way, because he's made it possible for her imaginative release.

 

Big Fish- One of my favorite movies of all time. Top love scenes: the bathtub scene, coming home from the army, seeing Sandra for the first time, the yellow daffodil scene, and Spektor with Jenny

 

My Best Friend's Wedding- Probably not what you'd think it is. I happen to hate the ending of this movie, though I love the movie as a whole. I would've much preferred the "best friend ends up with best friend" scenario, and I think this scene justifies my sensitivity: 

Ever After- When Danielle shows up at the ball and we see her in her da Vinci wings, dead mother's gown, and glass slippers, there's just no way to resist falling in love with her right along with Prince Henry. This moment is amazing, but the scene that really gets my praise is much earlier in the movie, when she brings home her servant, Maurice, and his wife and their best friend (another servant) go running to him and Danielle as they come walking up through a field. I have tested myself for years...I get chills every time I watch this scene. I'm yet to watch it without getting them all up and down my arms, without getting choked up in an incredible way. Couldn't find a link but you really should seek this one out sometime, for this scene alone, and to giggle at Drew's bad British accent in the context of a supposedly French setting. Still, such an intelligent chick flick/un-fairy tale when it comes down to it.

10 Things I Hate About You- oh, Heath. Oh, Poetry. Oh, Love!

 

500 Days of Summer- the Ikea scene. holy crap. I want to fall in love and do this someday. Or maybe just do this with an amazing friend. Either way, it's on my bucket list. The clip doesn't show it well - just captures the end - but it gives the idea. 

The Wedding Planner- the dance scene in the park. it's great. and cute. and dreamy.  

Dance scene: So Cute

Hook- when Tink makes her wish to be big so she can be with Peter for a few moments in time. And then, at the end, Tink's goodbye "you know that place between sleep and awake? That's where you'll always find me, Peter Pan, that's where I'll be waiting" sigh... love her. 

Avatar- the whole thing. every bit of it. 

Forrest Gump- Forrest and Jenny, an incomparable love story.

...and Tom Hanks strikes again, this time with Helen Hunt, in 
Castaway- "You're the love of my life" oh, it kills me.

Little Women- unrequited love...the Laurie/Jo story...personally, as with my best friend's wedding, I am of the Jo and Laurie should be together camp, but, alas, Louisa May Alcott disagrees with me. So, the Mr. Bhaer camp gets their wonderfully romantic ending: 

Waitress- best love quotes from a (dark) comedy ever? Possibly. Plus, Nathan Fillion is just a dreamboat/the perfect man, playing an only slightly imperfect man: 

"Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight.They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness to it."

Princess Bride-"As you wish..." 'nuff said. Carry Elwes made the name 'Wesley' sexy forever.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- Kate Winslet once again, and Jim Carrey. What a team. Meet me in Montauk. *sigh...A story about losing your way and then trying to find each other again. Also notable, the inclusion of the first role I ever enjoyed Kirsten Dunst in, alongside a wonderfully slimy performance by my beloved Elijah Wood.

Beauty and the Beast- I mean, you have to admit, the Beast is pretty handsome in man form...those eyes! and the way he says her name!

Others on my worth mentioning list: 
Shine, Penelope, Sleepless in Seattle, Bed of Roses, Monsoon Wedding

Happy Valentines Day! 

We're Off To See The Wizard

"It just needs to be beautiful."

These were some of the words of wisdom Ian Partridge spoke today during his master class with University of York students at the National Centre for Early Music 'English Song Day.' They're such singer's words, and when he said them I sort of laughed to myself because they suggest such a simple task, and yet most of my life thus far has been spent trying to do just that - to create something beautiful, to be beautiful, to have a beautiful spirit in a world that is ugly in far too many ways. Maybe that's why I enjoyed coaching with him so much. That, and the fact that I was entirely humbled to be standing next to and sometimes singing with one of the finest tenors that has ever lived, with probably the most honey-smoothe, warm voice I've ever heard, even now when he is in self-enforced retirement from performing. The first question Ian asked me today after I sang Samuel Barber's 'Crucifixion' was, "what is the one thing that makes Barber's writing so special?" I immediately started racking my brain, trying to recall every impressive bit of Barber trivia I have up my sleeve, but I had nothing to answer this question simply. "I don't know..." I finally said, because, in truth, I was coming up with too many reasons in my head. But, as already explained, Ian talks singer speech. Everything was sort of simplified and direct, without much frill - very un-British actually, at least when he wasn't telling incredible life stories. So he answered his own question, without hesitation, as if he'd hoped I wouldn't be able to answer, "it's that he was a singer himself. He understood the voice and knew how to write for it," and I finished his sentence, "and how to create a relationship between the voice and piano." That's when we started making music together. I felt warm, eager, ready to try anything he threw at me. The warmth was a good sign, because when I get nervous I always go cold. He told me later that he thought I seemed nervous, but if I came off that way I didn't mean to, and I definitely didn't feel it at all; I was just giddy with excitement and awe, to be sharing that moment in time with someone I've admired for so much of my life. I can't describe what it's like getting to stand next to someone truly great. I am probably the luckiest girl in the world because I've been able to experience this many times now, and even in my daily life when I look at the professors around me, or the people/performing gods I get to keep in contact with on facebook and call 'friends' even though they will always be my heroes. It's such an unremarkable word - great - but it means so much, and he was it in that way that the people who change lives are, the way the best artists are, the way I want to be one day. Weak? Too honest? Maybe. But it's my truth, and it struck me today how happily swept up in this world I am. I may never be one of the 'greats', but I don't think I can stop at least trying now, and I don't think I can turn my back on the blessings that keep coming my way. I was so ready to find something new in this simply profound masterpiece of Barber's that I've come to love, and to love to sing since I first learned it almost five years ago, and I think we did manage to unlock some unexplored magic today. 

Ok, so why my Wizard of Oz reference in the title of this post? The last thing Ian Partridge said to me during my coaching was "I want you to have courage. Take risks. The beauty in performing is that there is no need to sing something exactly the same way twice. We get to try things out, tell stories, do things differently every time...Now you just need to find the courage to do it." I was completely overcome, and it hit me: there's no more room to be a cowardly lioness. I made the biggest decision of my life moving over here, leaving everything/one behind. I knew that it was worth it today. And I felt in that moment like I was being given permission for the first time ever to completely let go, submit, and love the music I love, and use my voice - not some closed-minded voice faculty's projection of what my voice should be. In a sense Ian was giving me permission to be a singer, so that from now on I can try to just "make it beautiful". There are plenty of days when I want to click my heals three times and be back in the comfort of home, but Toto, we're not in America any more. 

So I'm Told

 I'm told it is best to write what you know,

waving a sparkler in warm summer air,

telling stories to fireflies blinking by.

And while I sometimes wish it was love I could weave 

in silver streams of smoke and flickering light,

it turns out, when I spell it in the sky, 

that what I know is music.

And if I know love at all

it is only because you give me reason to sing.

Tickle-Me-Pink

Acadia. Summer, 2010

My life is a crayon box of tastes, touches, smells, sounds. It's not just the original colors, either. It's the deluxe box- Mac & Cheese, Tickle-Me-Pink, Plum, Tumbleweed, Robin's Egg Blue...they're all there too. I can smell sea salt a hundred miles from the shore; I can taste it the closer I get to home. I grew up on lakes; I didn't even grow up on the ocean, but it was close enough, and I grew older with it. Ah, summertime...Sea salt means so much. I was the little girl watching them make taffy through the window of the candy shop, tucked away in its perfectly secret corner of that tiny town. I never liked taffy much, but I liked to watch them make it whenever we visited Boothbay Harbor. I'd stare at it pulling-rolling and rolling, silky, beautiful, dishonest, with my thumb resting in its permanent place in my 5-year old, 6-year old, 8-year old mouth. The college girl home working for the summer would peer out at my shy eyes from behind the counter inside to make me feel sweeter than candy.

Some of the best days in my whole world happened with the people in this picture.

Hiking near my house, on a surprise visit in June.

Ok, so I'm feeling a little bit nostalgic for the summertimes of my life. I've had such great summers...I grew up in 'Vacationland' for goodness sakes. The camping, and the hiking, and the swimming, and the antiquing, and the tubing and the boating, and the dressing up like faeries and doing photo shoots...meeting up with lifelong friends at Lyzie's house and riding jet skis across the lake to go pick up more friends on the other side...SUCH a good place to grow up. I hadn't spent an entire summer in Maine since I left for college, until this summer, but every year was different and exciting. Being at my last Spoleto in Charleston this summer was close to perfect, but sophomore year of college was probably my favorite. I stayed in Princeton and that's when 'wine and cheese parties' were born. That was the summer I really experienced the Jersey Shore for the first time, and I fell in love with it. It was also the summer I realized just how much wine was too much wine, found a best friend in Paige, got lost in lightning storms and climbed on scaffolding on top of Riverside Church with Mike, jumped on Dr. Bartle when he gave me an 'A' in Contemporary Trends...such a good couple of months. And I'm pretty sure I still made it home at some point for time with my Bekah, and the annual end-of-August, midnight lake swim with my Joey, too.

Playing dress up at Bethy's. Yep, in high school : )

I think my mind is fixed on these things right now because I'm trying to remember what it was like before there was anything to remember. I used to really understand what it meant to hold on to moments without caring what came next, trusting that everything would fall into place according to some Divine plan far beyond the limits of my own imagining. I want to find that kind of serenity again. And I think I've chosen a wonderful part of the world to do that. York is not entirely one season or another right now. [sort of how I feel, in case the metaphor didn't stick] It isn't really winter here any more, but it's not yet spring. The snow and ice passed through like tourists, and left me behind to realize 'wow- I live in England now'. Everything's melted and the grass and strange moss on the trees are lime green. Seriously, bright, lime green. My eyes aren't playing tricks. It's not quite cold...colder than Fall, but not as cold as winter should be. This, while back home everyone is happily digging out, snow day after snow day. (I tend to go noncommittally back and forth between wishing I could have more time with winter, and aching for summer) And I find myself asking why can't I just stop wishing and dreaming long enough to savor and enjoy the way everything is right here and now? This is my next step, beginninnnggggg...now. Not that being goal-oriented and driven is a bad thing, but I think it can get in the way sometimes, or at least can overwhelm the wonderful things that are happening every minute of the day. My first Masters recital is a week from today, and the task for the week is to soak in every new experience that comes my way, every new rhythmic possibility I discover in the chants, every precious moment I have singing with a Renaissance lute and a Medieval vielle. And I refuse to worry about my looming PhD application. At most, I'm leaving that one to prayer for the week, while I enjoy submitting to the life of a performer for a few glorious days. I'm adding to my crayon box every day, and this time instead of colors, its filling up with colours.

i. was. lost. and. im. still. lost. but. i. feel. so. much. better. 

Sometimes

Sometimes it's perfect being the only one awake

to hear hushed murmuring memories,

playing like music, melodious in honeyed air,

plucking streams of cobweb strings

while I kiss the wind with all that's left

of the breath you didn't take from me yet.

Sometimes when that same sung breeze reaches my cheek,

I stop fighting my feet, and let them take me somewhere,

'til tears drip down my eyelashes like rain,

and I start to feel better,

finding there is something so deliciously sweet

about loving you on a night like this night.

[I watched this video by one of my favorite comedic teams, Garfunkel and Oates, and it put me in the mood for metaphor: Garfunkel and Oates ]

Chant and...Football?

I love early music. But I also love football, almost as much as I love watching professional soccer. This is one of those things that most people probably don't know about me, but it's very much real. Some of my happiest memories of growing up happened at high school football games, walking around the track that circled our home field with childhood friends, listening to the band play in the stands, eventually playing and cheering with them years later, wandering around cracking jokes about the boys in their silly tight pants. Last night my Facebook news feed was frantic with status updates from friends on both sides of a big Jets vs. New England Patriots game. Being from the utmost Northeast of America, all of my friends at home are fanatic Pats (and Red Sox) fans. Having spent four of the best years of my collegiate life in the Metropolitan area, most of my college friends are as fanatic about the Jets as my friends at home are about the Pats. Over the course of the last 5 years or so I have seen my allegiance to Mass-based teams dwindle, although traces remain. Either way, last night I watched two teams, both of whom I've at one time or another claimed to support, while I was editing some Medieval chant for my Masters thesis. During commercial breaks from my live online feed of the game I got a little distracted, and this is what happened...

They won. I think this is why.
: )

For Better Or For Worse

You're right. I am wild with life.
And I will keep burning, seeping, spilling,

knowing it might make you afraid

to fall so far the ground might even tremble-you
couldn't have that. And it's why you won't have

me. For the part of my life that matters

you have been the silence

screaming louder than my ticking

clock. If you'd only let yourself look you

would have found me looking back 

from behind a gossamer veil, 

woven with flecks of gold, asking you to follow,
beckoning you to come with the bend

of a finger and a smile that's always been 

ownerless, belonging to you. But if you ask me tomorrow,

if you finally see my wild eyes and don't look away for fear

of where they might take you, I'll have to swear it's all

forgotten. There is a too-late 

vow I'm taking today,

that you are not my whole wide world.

From this day forward you are only part

of it, for better or for worse.

Twelfth Night & Epiphany

The last day of Christmas is upon us, and once that happens I can finally admit and even welcome the new year. The last 12 months have been pretty incredible-it's easy to forget how much happens in just 365 days, but recently I'm finding myself thinking almost as much about the past as I am about the next year ahead. So much has happened...2010 was a year of healing, of remembering that I am passionate, remembering that I am a child of God, re-learning how to be that again like a newborn taking her first steps. I heard vibrato in my voice for the first time, I felt deeply, truly happy again, I learned that there are many different definitions of love in this crazy world. I've even learned to appreciate and value these differing definitions, all the while coming to understand and appreciate my own even more. In just one year I've graduated college, put on my senior recital, toured California with Westminster Choir,  sang at Spoleto for my last time as part of the Westminster community, been accepted into multiple exemplary graduate programs for early music, I sold my first car, packed most of my possessions away, and have embarked on the biggest adventure of my life thus far, fulfilling my lifelong dream of moving to England. 

Epiphany Times Three by Kathrin Burleson  [kathrinburleson.com]

And now here we are at the beginning of 2011...I have three graduate recitals to put on, and if all goes well then I will have my Masters degree in nine months. It's time to nurture this baby, and what better day to make this claim than Epiphany? The word literally means "to reveal." Today is a day to remember the arrival of the Magi, to reflect on their revelation that Christ was the new King. Long before He became what He was destined to be, this tiny baby was just lying there, but these Kings knew what He would one day be for the world.  And I'm left wondering what is my own epiphany for this year then? I think I know the answer. I spent the coming of the New Year with some of my most cherished friends, and as we caught up on the months that have passed since we last saw each other there seemed to be a theme of uncertainty amongst us all-each of us seemingly wondering what's next? But as I looked around I also found myself in the midst of amazing human beings on exciting paths...these friends I'm so blessed to call mine are unbelievably gifted musicians with beautiful spirits, and despite our increasing need to take naps in order to stay up late, we have so much life and energy. We find each other from all over the world, we climb snow-packed mountains together, and we dance even though we don't know how. I was afraid that it would be hard to go back to England after coming home, but I am so inspired right now, and I'm so ready to get back and take on the rest of my time in York. I sat late one night in New York City, looking across a table at one of the most amazing people in my life and I thought how awesome it is that he is pushing ahead and living a life uncharacteristically out of the limelight right now, while I believe with all of my being that he is destined for great things ahead. Not that I left behind gifts of frankincense or myrrh at his feet, but it's so wonderful to believe in something/someone and know it's real before it comes wholly to fruition, and I am so blessed to have that in my life, to be able to be a part of and watch these things play out for the people I love over the course of years. I am living in a small city in the north of England, but I'm starting to feel the stirring again of what's to come, and I can not wait to be swept up in whatever's next. God may be saying "not yet, Nia" but there is definitely something wonderful brewing. I can really feel life starting to take root and happen, for the ones I love and for myself...I wonder what this year will reveal, what I'm going to become...whatever it is, it had better be great.

For Sylvia Biggins

My best friend's grandmother passed away just before Christmas and her funeral is in Washington, DC today. I can't be physically there to celebrate her life, but, as ever, I'm with Kevin and his family in spirit, and I'm thinking of little else today. I met Sylvia only briefly, but in that time I got to see what a light she was in this world. I got to hear her laugh, and feel her hugs, and know the depth of her love through them. She loved me because I loved her grandson, and I will never forget the smile in her eyes when I met her. Kevin asked me to write something for the program when she first passed away, and this wrote itself down. I felt more like a vessel than I've ever felt before-I truly believe this is as much by as it is for a beautiful woman I was blessed to know.

When time, at last, takes me away,
I ask you and I pray:
Sing me to eternity,
and dance from night 'til day.

When dim, dear ones, seems lantern light,
think of my smile bright,
And I will light the way for you,
from everlasting flight.

My grandson, church, my family,
the world could not keep me,
but wrapped up in my Father's arms,
I'm waiting happily.

Where I have gone there is no pain,
nor is there even rain,
so smile and know the day will come
we'll be together again.

When tomorrow comes and I can not call
to laugh at things funny and small,
remember that I am now with Him
and We will catch your every fall.

When days feel long and quiet seem,
search the sky for beams-
I am the light in winter white
and will Forever be.

Thank you for being a light in my life, Sylvia Biggins. Thank you for helping to raise my best friend, making him the extraordinary man he is.  You brought unbelievable joy to my life without even knowing. That is a memory I will keep forever. Until we meet again x

First Poem in the New Year

[Reflection in a stream-Nia Rhein]


One day when I was very small

I walked along a stream

and saw beneath the water there

a face looked up at me.

I saw her eyes and wondered why

so sad they seemed to be

but tears were only ripples, lost,

then drowned in water deep